We’re always told when you meet the one , you’ll know.
But in reality it’s not always that simple. Once you’re through the honeymoon period and the challenges of life start getting in the way, it can be hard to know if your relationship will really stand the test of time.
Relationship expert Gary W Lewandowski, creator of ‘ Science Of Relationships ‘ and a university professor of psychology, has devised a list of 15 questions he says will reveal if the one you’re with is the real deal.
He told The Independent we all wonder if we’re with the right person, but that it’s also the question we are ‘least equipped to answer ourselves’ as we are often left focusing on the wrong things.
The questionnaire has been created to combine science with gut instinct – and giving an honest ‘yes’ to the questions on the list means your relationship is one worth staying in.
- Does your partner make you a better person, and do you do the same for them?
- Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving?
- Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are, without trying to change each other?
- When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity?
- Do you and your partner share decision-making, power and influence in the relationship?
- Is your partner your best friend, and are you theirs?
- Do you and your partner think more in terms of ‘we’ and ‘us’ rather than ‘you’ and ‘I’?
- Would you and your partner trust each other with the passwords to social media and bank accounts?
- Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other – without having an overinflated positive view?
- Do your close friends, as well as your partner’s, think you have a great relationship that will stand the test of time?
- Is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy and controlling behaviour?
- Do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids (or not) and how to parent?
- Are you and your partner willing to sacrifice your own needs, desires and goals for each other (without being a doormat)?
- Do you and your partner both have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities?
- Are you and your partner sexually compatible?
If the answer to the questions above is a ‘no’, Lewandowski warns it could mean curtains for your romance as being able to see the good in someone ‘doesn’t mean it is a good relationship’.
He adds that breakups can be a good thing if it isn’t going to last in the long run and ‘staying in a bad relationship is the worst possible thing for you’.
“Learning good stuff about relationships is no threat to good relationships,” he said. “If you’re in a mediocre to bad relationship, getting out frees you up to get in a great one.”